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Celebrating The Conch Republic
Story and photos
by Kathleen Walls
I visited a small country where I didn't
need a passport. The Conch Republic, also known as Key West,
began in March 1982 over a dispute with the United States
government when Border Control set up a roadblock in Florida
City, the last stop before you enter the Keys. Supposedly, it
was to catch drug smugglers and illegal aliens, but it was
crippling the economy of the Keys.
Then Mayor Dennis Wardlow first tried the
legal method and took it to court based on the wartime rules
that only nations at war can blockade another country. When that
failed, he stated, "We secede, we're not going to take it
anymore. If you're going to treat us as a foreign country, we'll
become a foreign country. We're going to raise our flag and
declare war."
At last year's celebration of the Conch
Republic, Mayor Wardlow, now Prime Minister emeritus, told of
the events of the first and only few minutes of the war for
their independence. "So, I'm reading my speech, I'm almost
finished and they're starting to raise the flag. I've declared
war, if you're going to treat us as a foreign country, we'll
become a foreign country. We're going to raise our flag, we're
going to fire our first shot. So, here comes Joe (one of his
friends) across the side of me. And he proceeds to hit this
naval captain over the head with a loaf of stale Cuban bread.
Right away, we're at war.
"The flag's been raised. We're now known as
the Conch Republic and immediately surrender. We asked for a
million dollars in foreign aid, which with interest, it's up to
a billion dollars. And so, we're still waiting for it."
Each year, Key West celebrates the week of
the rebellion. I had a wonderful time at the 2025 festival. By
the way, Key West locals refer to themselves as "Conchs" but be
sure to pronounce it without the H as "Conks" or they will know
you're not a local.
Mallory Square
There's no end to things to do.
Mallory Square is
the heart of Old Town and a great place to start. Every day at
sunset, locals and visitors congregate here for sunset at
Mallory Square. During the
Conch Republic Festival, many of the activities take place
here. The 44th anniversary festival is going to be
April 17 to 26 this year.
The culmination is the Annual Conch
Republic Independence Naval Parade in Key West Harbor. The
vessels are decked out with colorful Conch Republic flags and
celebrate the annual reenactment of the Great Sea Battle of the
Conch Republic.
Scarlett Jay Somers was the Supreme
Commander, General and First Piratesse of the Conch Republic
Military Forces. She commanded the post in Mallory Square next
to Key West Harbor and ordered the cannon loaded and ready to
defend the Republic. She led us in the Pledge of Allegiance to
the Conch Republic.
After the parade passed, the Schooner
Western Union, the first flagship of the Conch Republic,
attacked the USCG Cutter Diligence with the full force of a
water hose and lots of stale bread. On land, Commander Somers
struck a naval officer across the head with a load of stale
Cuban bread. The land cannon was fired several times in salute
to the ships of the Conch Republic.
Of course, the Coast Guard surrendered, and
everyone adjourned to
Schooner Wharf Bar for the surrender ceremony. After the
surrender, Prime Minister Wardlow requested the aid promised a
country when they surrender. Although they never received the
U.S. aid package, the barricade in Florida City came down the
next day. So, they succeeded in what they wanted to accomplish.
While you're in Mallory Square, be sure to
see the Key West Historic Memorial Sculpture Garden. There are
busts of the people throughout history who helped create the Key
West we know today.
Museums
Several museums are in or adjacent to it,
including the Key
West Shipwreck Treasure Museum. It tells the story of the
wreckers who salvaged ships that wrecked on the reef just
offshore and made Key West the richest city in the county in the
1830s.
Key West Aquarium was the island's first attraction opened
in 1935. It showcases the sea life found in the waters off the
Keys.
Custom House Museum is on the fringe of Mallory Square and
tells the city's history with art.
There are three places I loved within a few
blocks of Mallory Square.
Mel Fisher Museum displays the treasure found by one of
America's best known treasure hunters.
Ernest Hemingway Home
and Museum is a must especially for cat lovers. I met many
of the descendant of Hemingway's six-toed white cat, Snowball,
gifted to him by a sea captain friend. Seeing how he lived when
he was in Key West is a step back in time.
Harry S.
Truman's Little White House is a trip through one of
America's most historic times.
I suggest buying tickets for either the
Old Town Trolley
or the Conch Train
Tour before coming to Key West, but you can get tickets at
Mallory Square. Conch Train gives you a nonstop tour.
The Old
Town Trolley lets you hop on and off and stops at many of the
attractions. Both start at Mallory Square and point out the
highlights like Sloppy Joe's; The Green Parrot; Key West Legal
Rum, the first legal distillery in Key West; and others.
With the Old Town Trolley, you can get off
at the various attractions. Some I really enjoyed were
Sails to Rails, that tells the history of the ships and
later Flagler's railroad; Key West Botanical Gardens, where you
see some unusual plants; and Fort East Martello Museum,
constructed as a Civil War fort and today displaying exhibits
telling the story of Key West and its most unique artifact,
Robert the Doll.
To get a really in-depth
story of Robert the Doll, take the
Ghosts
and Gravestones Tour. They tell how Robert Eugene Otto
received the doll as a present and love it so much he gave it
his first name and began going by Gene. Whenever anything went
wrong and his parents asked Gene, "What have you done?" he
always replied, "Robert did it." Over the years, Robert did lots
of horrific things. There's a warning about what might happen if
you take his picture. I took one anyway.
Southernmost Point Buoy
If you want a selfie at the Southernmost
Point Buoy, be prepared for a long wait. I think everyone else
in the world wants one too.
Sunset Cruise
Part of the festival activities involve
taking a sunset cruise. I took the cruise on the
Hindu. It's a small
sailboat that takes part in the Conch Republic parade. It's very
different from the big overpacked boats and sailed into a
terrific sunset, which we enjoyed with drinks and snacks.
Some lesser-known places
There are some interesting places that are
not as well-known as the bigger attractions but are worth a
visit. Key West Firehouse
Museum is housed in a 1907 fire station and has antique fire
truck, and other historic artifacts.
U.S. Coast Guard Cutter
Ingham Maritime Museum
saw action in World War II, Korea, and Vietnam. It's at Truman
Waterfront Park. If you are there on Thursday, the park is the
site of the Truman Park Farmer's Market.
Lodging
I avoided the heavy-traffic area and stayed
at the waterfront
Perry Hotel on Stock Island, just about 15 minutes from Old
Town. It's nominated for Best Hotel in the 2025 Condé Nast
Traveler Readers' Choice Awards. My room overlooking the pool
was so comfy. Its on-site restaurants make it a perfect place to
enjoy the best of Key West. I love the art, free parking,
shuttle options, and that it is pet friendly, in fact, I love
everything about the Perry Hotel.
Dining
Key West abounds in dining options.
Perry Hotel's Matt's Stock Island Kitchen & Bar is one of
only three Florida Keys hotels to receive a prestigious MICHELIN
Key in 2024.
Schooner Wharf Bar is at the heart of the
Conch Republic activities. It's on the dock where you board the
Hindu or many other cruises. The food is great bar food
and there is usually entertainment.
Half Shell Raw Bar was a shrimp warehouse and turned into a
restaurant in 1972. The seafood is so fresh you will probably
see it being offloaded from a shrimp boat.
Insider Tip
Parking is horrendous and expensive in Old
Town, but if you have a handicapped license or tag, you can park
anyplace for free. If you don't want to drive, Perry Hotel has a
shuttle that takes you into Old Town where you can use the Old
town Trolley to visit most places on the island.
As I joined the throng of other visitors in
Key West, I appreciate their motto, "We seceded where others
failed.”
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